Thoughts....

Today was a bad day for me and for Cam.  The second Cam woke up I just knew it was going to be a bad day for him.  I can tell by just looking in his eyes when he wakes up if it's going to be a good Aspi day and today his eyes said BAD! :( He did in fact have a rough day at school and had an outburst and tantrum.  Then we had an appt at the peds office to discuss possible medications for his ADHD, his diet and a few other issues. As I'm sitting there talking to the doctor I just started to cry. He and I were discussing the hard road that Cam is going to have and both he and I's concerns for Cam when he starts school next year and I just lost it. I don't want anyone to make fun of Cam. I don't want to see my son hurt because he is different and people don't understand that. He doesn't deserve this! Then in the car on the way home from the visit I got angry. I started thinking of all of the ignorant comments that have been made to me since his diagnosis. I've been told he's not an Aspi, he's just a spoiled brat. I've been told that he just a whiny baby. I've had someone stupidly say to me when I was making a comment about Cam and his Autism, they decided to say to me "well, my son is pain in the asstic, does that count?" No, that doesn't count, your son may be a pain in the butt to you on certain days, but my son has a life long issue! No, my son is NOT a spoiled brat, he is AUTISTIC! No, my son is not whiny, he has AUTISM! For the rest of his life he is going to have a battle against these ignorant comments and thoughts and that breaks my heart. The saddest part is all of these comments have been made by family members...not even complete strangers. So, what am I going to do when a stranger makes a rude comment about Cam? What am I going to say to him when he comes home crying because the kids are cruel and making fun of him? I cry just thinking about it, yet there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I love my son more than words can ever express and it kills me that I can't take this pain away from him. I am at such a loss right now.

Cameron has Asperger's....

I don't know why I struggle with the above sentence so much...Cameron has Asperger's.  I had a feeling and saw signs way before the diagnosis. I walked into the doctor's office prepared mentally to hear those words come out of his mouth. I had even told myself I would be relieved to hear those words said. Yet, hearing those very words brought me to my knees and put me at the lowest point in my life. I started questioning God, was it because of mistakes I had made in my life that MY son is being punished? God, why MY child?!  We had taken Cameron to the doctor because we had been having so many issues with him. I had been the one who had pushed for us to take him and now I was the one breaking down and not wanting to hear those words. My husband and I love both of our children more than anything on this planet and we had already been through so much, it didn't and at times still doesn't seem fair that our child has Asperger's. But that is why I chose to write this blog, to share my families struggles and our accomplishments. To have an outlet for myself and to hopefully help others who may be going through the same thing and also in hopes that maybe we can help each other.