Change CAN Be a Good Thing

What a difference a day can make. This morning Cam started at his old/new school. Nerves for both of us were in full force this morning. He barely ate his breakfast and I could see it in his little eyes that the nerves were on overload. His two favorite subjects right now are Science and Math. So to get his mind off things I started asking math questions. It was like an ease took over him and the nonstop thinking about the change went away for a little bit. The entire way to school we kept doing the math problems. I am not sure who it helped more, me or him. But we made it to the school with the nerves a little more at ease than they were when we woke up. We walked in and met with the registrar and she is the one who took him off to class. Let the tears and nerves go into overload. Not for him, for me. He and I are both used to me walking him to class every day, but that is not the way at this school. I thought for sure this would start a complete meltdown because of nerves and because of another change for him. I am beyond proud to say that there was no meltdown, in fact he walked off with her and barely looked back. He did stop and say, “I love you mommy see you at pick up.” Oh, my boy’s sweet words melted my heart and I was so proud of how well he was holding it all together.

After drop off I was a complete nervous wreck. My stomach was in knots. I was a little at ease because he did do so well at the drop off, but all of the what if’s started to play in my mind. What if we made the wrong decision? What if he has a meltdown today and the kids laugh at him? What if he doesn’t like the smell somewhere and completely freaks out? What if? What if? What if? Oh, so many what ifs. Luckily a good friend of mine just had an adorable little baby that I was able to go and snuggle with for awhile and it took my mind away from the what ifs. As I sat there holding this precious little boy I remembered all of the promises I made Cam the day he was born and the biggest one was, no matter what I am always here for you and I will always protect you. So, even if one or two or all of those what ifs happened, I was there for him and I would somehow, someway make it all better. That’s what all moms tell their children, I think with special needs children we’re just put to the test a little more each day of proving it to our children because we are constantly fighting for them.

Pick up time came and I sat in the car on pins and needles. Pick up is different there; I can’t just go up to the classroom door any more. I have to wait in my car and the classes come out to the pick up area and the teacher or administrator put the child in the car. So I sat waiting and waiting, I tell you it felt like HOURS. It wasn’t, but it felt like it. And then I saw him, walking in line properly with his class and he had a smile on his face. Can you guess what I did? Yep, I started to cry. I swear one day I will learn to hold these darn tears back. He hopped in the car and started basically screaming with excitement all about his day. His teacher is amazing and she’s pretty. And yes my son told her she’s pretty….sucking up on the first day, making his mama proud. He told me he had music and it was ok but not his favorite special area. Which is usual for him, he doesn’t like all of the loud noises. Then came up “mommy, X is in my class and he remembers me from Kindergarten and Y and Z are two girls that were in my Kindergarten class and they remember me too and they ate lunch with me! They ASKED me to sit with them mommy! And mommy I did what you taught me and I asked X what he likes and I tried to listen” Um, yeah tears are flowing. Thank you lord for sunglasses. And just when I didn’t think it could get any better he says “AND mommy at recess X played with me! He really played with me and I played soccer with him and some other boys that I have no idea what their names are.” That made me laugh and so very proud. He played with other kids! They ASKED him to play with them! I asked him if he was happy about the change still and his answer sealed the deal “mommy, you and daddy were right change CAN be a good thing and I LOVE my school and I want to stay here forever, well forever for elementary school which is 5^th grade…yeah mommy I want to stay here until I graduate 5^th grade. Mommy this school is awesome!” He barely took a breath telling me about his entire day and he couldn’t stop talking about it. It has been so long since I have seen him this happy about school and see a smile so big on his face.

I know not every day will be this great, but for today I am enjoying every second of it. Cam has made such huge strides and today was just another example that anything is possible! I never would have imagined my son would have handled change so well if you had asked me a year or two ago. As a parent of a child on the spectrum you get so used to fighting and hearing all the negative and seeing your child struggle and depressed because of the bullying and struggles that you forget there are those amazingly positive, happy days. Today proved to my husband and I that we made the right decision. Cam went to bed thanking God in his prayers tonight for his new school and for kids actually wanting to sit with him at lunch and play with him at recess. His prayers broke my heart and made me happy all in one breath. No, not every day will be rainbows and sunshine but today is and today we celebrate that change CAN be a good thing.