Change is in the Air

Change is in the air for Cam. Tomorrow he will start at a new school. Well, technically and old/new school. Confused yet? Let me give you a little back-story. When Cam was in kindergarten he started out at one school. This school is a small, older school but it is a really great school. But, in our area this school is looked badly upon because of the area that surrounds it. It’s not the greatest area but the school itself is wonderful. Well, as much as I like to speak my mind and pretend that I don’t care what others think…I really do. I am working hard on this flaw of mine. Why should I care? But I do and you’re not reading this to learn about that flaw of mine. So, anyway Cam started at this school and because of what others perceptions of this school were my husband and I honestly never gave it a chance. We pretty much found anything wrong with it that we could. Were these real problems? Not at all. Was the teacher excellent? Yes she was and Cam loved her. Did he have a few little friends? Yes, he was starting to. Then in the middle of the school year we transferred him. And now you are probably thinking…why? If everything for the most part was so great, why in the world did you move him? Well to be honest and I am honest to a fault, we did it for two reasons. One being we thought the school that we were transferring him to was a better school for him and the second reason was because we cared too much what others thought and wanted him at a school that others didn’t shun. So, half way through Kindergarten he started at “the” school. Cam wasn’t excited about the change at first but we didn’t give him another option. So, that’s the back-story.

Cam has been at “the” school ever since and once again to be completely honest I have had concerns and issues with “the” school since day one. Now don’t get me wrong, “the” school is a good school. If your child is neurotypical it is one that I would recommend. But, Cam isn’t neurotypical. Cam has struggles, he has mild behavioral issues, and….well, he has Asperger’s. So, because of a lot of my concerns and issues with “the” school, last Summer I was ready to transfer him. "THAT" school is able to offer him more of what he needs. I had talked to him and he was somewhat ok with it. He isn’t a fan of change, so his dislike of change was making him somewhat ok and not 100% ready for change. I had talked myself into it because “hey I don’t care what people think” and “change is good”. Well folks, I completely lied to myself on both accounts. When I would tell someone I was transferring him back I would get the comments of “oh, you’re really going to take him to THAT school” or “I can’t believe you’re really transferring him to THAT school”. Put that with my absolute fear of change for my son, the unknown is scary and I feared that I would be failing him with the unknown. I fear change when it comes to my children just as much as Cam fears change. So, put my fear and caring what others think and well Cam started this school year at “the” school. This school year for the most part has been a horrible rollercoaster. With more downs than ups and for the most part they weren’t Cam’s fault. “The” school just really didn’t know how to handle Cam and this year more than the year and a half prior it came shining through. Then add the fact that my son is now coming home depressed because he has no friends and because he knows some of the other students are laughing at him and well it has been a year from hell.

Yesterday was the icing on the cake of issues and my husband and I decided after LOTS of thought that it was time to make the change. So, we talked to Cam about transferring him to “THAT” school and he was excited. Now my son doesn’t get excited when it comes to change for anything, so for him to be excited told us that he has been really miserable. He told us “I don’t like change but I think I will like this change”. Of course I didn’t sleep at all last night because I was sick to my stomach with worry. Am I making the right decision? Am I failing him? Is “THAT” school the right one? And then the caring what others thought came in my head about transferring him to “THAT” school. But, then it was like a little light bulb went off in the middle of the night and I finally realized when it comes to school and what is best for my son it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. They are not the ones who deal with his struggles, his depression and low self-esteem. They are not the ones who deal with his meltdowns at home because he has tried his hardest to keep it together at school all day so the children don’t laugh at him more than they already do. It is time to transfer back to “THAT” school. If I don’t do it now I will never do it. So, this morning Cam and I went together and registered him at “THAT” school and my son is very excited about the change. He didn’t stop talking about it all day. He was honest and said he’s very nervous but he’s also very excited.

I still got the “Oh you’re transferring him to “THAT” school” comments today when I told some friends, but for the first time I just didn’t care. “THAT” school is what is best for my son right now, he is excited about going to “THAT” school and I know in my heart we are making the right decision. Change is so scary and I know I won’t sleep tonight and all day tomorrow will be a nervous wreck until I pick him up. But, this is what he needs….this is what he deserves. So, tomorrow morning he starts back at his old/new school and for once in his life my son is excited about change.