He's just a boy...

“My son has Asperger’s.” That is a sentence I usually start with when discussing Cam to pretty much anyone. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t say “hi, my name is …. And my son Cam has Asperger’s.” But I have always felt like I needed to be up front and honest about it. I have always felt like saying it would help them understand him…that is until recently. Now I have started to observe that it causes some people to treat him differently and not in a good way. Now, I am sure this has been the case for awhile and maybe I just wasn't "seeing it" because I was still so overwhelmed with other issues we had going on. And it's not like they're bullying or not accepting him, but just differently. Ok, now you’re like what the heck are you talking about? So let me try to explain. Cam is a 6 ½ year old boy who just happens to have Asperger’s. He is not an Asperger’s boy who just happens to be named Cam that is 6 ½. Have I completely lost you yet?

Cam can play rough sometimes. But don’t most 6 ½ year old boys play rough? If my husband or I tell him to stop he does…so why is it that people only remember Cam playing rough and not other children? Cam can yell loudly when playing sometimes. But again, don’t most 6 ½ year old boys do that? And again, he listens when told to stop. I have observed parents of other children though watch Cam closer when he’s playing with their children than they do when their children are playing with others. I see them jump quicker if Cam plays too rough or yells too loud. I observe them talking to Cam like he’s a young toddler instead of like he’s a 6 ½ year old boy. Which got me to start thinking, have I done this to him? Have I caused these people to act like this and treat him differently because I have shared with them about his Asperger’s? Am I being too pro-active by trying to be his advocate so much that I have now done the opposite…instead of help him I have hindered him? Have I pointed out his differences so much and not showed you how he really is just a little boy?

My husband and I don’t treat him any differently than we do our “neurotypical” daughter. They both get in trouble for the same things. They are both expected to have the same manners and do the same type of chores. We do the same things with both of them when it comes to activities. We have never looked at him any different…Asperger’s is a part of him…but it doesn’t define him. He is a little boy who loves animals, swimming, playing with his friends and sister. He has a ton of energy…but he’s a 6 ½ year old little boy. What boy his age doesn’t have a ton of energy? Does he have meltdowns sometimes? Yep, he sure does. Does he sometimes say things that are inappropriate? Yep, he sure does. But if I didn’t tell you he had Asperger’s would you give him the same “I can’t believe he just did that” look? No, you wouldn’t, because you would either laugh because you would think it’s cute and funny or you would just think I can’t believe he just said that but he is young so he still has time to learn. Can he be socially awkward sometimes? Again, yep he sure can. But he’s just doing what everyone including adults do, which is just trying to find his way in this world. He wants to fit in and he wants to have friends. Is that really any different from what a “neurotypical” child does?

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that Cam has some silly quirks and he has some different struggles because of his Asperger’s. However, I won’t let it define him and I won’t let it be all that people see. I won’t allow people to treat him differently because of it. He is a 6 ½ year old little boy…a little boy who will change this world. Isn’t that what we all believe of our children? It’s what I think we should ALL believe of them. Just because he has a diagnosis doesn’t mean he should be treated differently. Maybe it is my fault that he has been treated or looked at differently. Maybe I shouldn’t be so vocal and tell people right away about his Asperger’s? If that is the case then it is my job to change it. I don’t want parents watching him closer or treating him differently. I want him to be able to play without eyes glaring and people ready to pounce if they even think he’s going to do something wrong. He’s an amazing child and that’s what I want everyone to see.