ANGRY!!

Today I am so angry and sad I can’t even see straight. Let me start with what happened yesterday at school with Cam and then will get to today that has me so upset. Yesterday at pick up Cam’s teacher informed me that out of nowhere when she asked Cam to stop talking in line he screamed out “I have Asperger’s and it makes it hard for me to like people!” Clearly this had nothing to do with what she asked him but it was a huge red flag to me that he is struggling internally. She then told me that his art teacher told her that he has said that to her a few times when he didn’t want to do something. Wish I would have known this when it happened instead of weeks or maybe months later but the point is now I know. So last night Cam and I had a long talk…well I talked while he looked down at the ground and pulled at his arm. The pulling at his arm is his “stimming” or he plays with his fingers in his mouth. But, either way he was listening. I told him that he can’t just scream it out, he can’t use it as an excuse to not do things in life and that if he had any questions he could always come to me. I tried my hardest to point out all of the wonderful aspects of him that comes because of his Asperger’s because that is what I want him to look at…not all of the struggles he faces every second of every day. He didn’t say much but asked if he could go play with his Legos. I wish I knew what was going on inside his head….I wish he knew how to share it all with me.

So fast-forward to drop off this morning. I told his teacher that I had a talk with him and I can tell he is struggling internally but I told him he couldn’t just scream it out. It is her response that upsets me so much. She informs me that she is worried that the little ears in the classroom will repeat to their parents that he has Asperger’s and it will cause problems. WHAT?! Then goes on to tell me that he already has problems with certain kids in the classroom and this could escalate the parent’s reactions and cause a lot of problems. My response was “their kid can’t catch it and these parents need to be educated!” Then I get told well parents can be cruel and we just don’t want it be an issue and we don’t want him talking about.

Ok, now I am angry and sad! I leave there in tears and screaming in my car. I am doing EVERYTHING I can to make sure Cam is comfortable in his own skin and proud of who he is! And now I am being told that they don’t want him talking about who he is because of other parent’s issues. Are you freaking kidding me?!?! Why can’t we just educate these parents and explain to them about Cam. Educate them about how wonderful he is and yes he may have Asperger’s and it isn’t always pretty but he is still an incredible little boy whom their child would be lucky to have in their life as a friend. Why must he be quiet when he is struggling internally and this is his way of letting it out? You are telling me to tell my child not to be him and I am NOT ok with that…at all! So, let him struggle, let him spiral down because he can’t be him and he can’t let people know about him? He is struggling to understand himself and maybe talking about it or hell screaming it makes him feel better….but you’re telling me you don’t want that because of what other parents might think. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!?! I am so upset right now that I am sure most of this is not making sense. But, I just don’t understand how we as a society can make our children comfortable in their own skin if we are telling them to hide it because of what others may think. Why do children get bullied? Because the bullies are not taught to be kind to children who are different. So my child doesn’t fit in your perfect square, he is perfect to me and if you would open your eyes you would see that! What the hell is wrong with our world that a child can’t be different and it be ok?