Family is a funny thing to me. They are the ones that are
supposed to love and support you unconditionally. They are the ones that you
are supposed to feel you can be in a judgment free zone around. I was having a
discussion with a friend of mine last night about this. Actually I was talking
about how sad I am that this in fact is not the case. She said something that
completely hit home…she said blood only makes you relatives…it doesn’t make you
family. Such true words....
The sad thing is, we have many relatives in our life. The
ones that we have tried and tried to help understand our life but they just
choose not to. Our life isn’t easy and sometimes (ok a lot of times) very hard
to understand but it can be done. But the fact that I am trying to beat into my
own head is that you can’t change people, no matter how hard you try. People
will continue to live their lives even if what they do hurts you because
usually they do not see anything that they are doing is wrong. They worry more
about what everyone else thinks than what the ones they are hurting think. I am
learning that if they really wanted to understand our world….they would.
Here’s my conclusion to the added struggles these relatives
have put on our lives.... we’re done. Our life has enough struggles that we
don’t need to continue to try over and over again to force you into something
you obviously don’t want to do…which is be a part of our life…our Autism life.
Cam has taught me to fight for things in life that I never thought I would have
to fight for. But he has also taught me, especially recently that it is ok to
not have everyone’s acceptance and have everyone in your life. Most days he
could care less what anyone else thinks and he does what he wants and he’s
happy in his life. A big lesson I am learning from my 6 year old.
Something else I am learning lately is that we are beginning
to have our own family from people who love us and accept this crazy Autism
life we live. Though days are rough and sometimes it feels completely
lonely…they are showing us that we are not alone. When they don’t understand
why Cam does something they ask questions so they can understand. When they see
we’re having a bad day they reach out to us and ask if there’s anything they
can do to help. They listen, not just hear us but truly set their lives aside
while we’re talking and they listen to us. This is our family and I am learning
that even though others have turned their backs on us or have hurt us these
people won’t and it’s ok to open up to them…it’s ok to let them into our Autism
world. Some have kiddos on the spectrum and some don’t, a couple are blood
related but most aren’t… but what all are showing us…is what unconditional
love, real support and acceptance in this crazy Autism life is. Life with Cam
isn’t always easy and being a part of our life with Cam and all that comes with
this crazy life isn’t always easy but I will promise you it is worth it! And
lately on our journey we are starting to feel not so alone….thanks to our
family.
Girl, you and I should sit down one day and compare stories, I know exactly where your coming from, we have written off much of our "family" long ago.
ReplyDeletePS: on a side note, did you know they are "doing away with" The term "Aspergers"? Our phycologist told us that, didnt understand why though
Yes, the new DSM-5 is suppose to be coming out in the next couple of months and one of the big things they are looking to delete is the term Asperger's and just call it Autism. Cam has been diagnosed by one with Asperger's and others with just Autism. Suppose to be making it easier to diagnose....will just say there is too much to write for my opinion on here. :)
ReplyDeleteWe shall sit down over some sushi and drinks one day and compare stories. :)
Ummmm ladies - I demand to be involved in this! Especially if sushi is involved too!
ReplyDeletelol I love you both :-)
Crystal, it's a hard lesson to learn. And it's hard not to beat yourself up about it. But as far as I'm concerned, you've got one seriously cool family! Cam and Peyton are loved. They are loved for who they are, and not forced to fit into someone else's image of who they should be. Those kids will grow into adults who know love, and know how to love - because they grew up in a world of it - when so many others never understand the real meaning behind it.
Never doubt yourself - the people who miss out are missing something spectacular, and they only have themselves to blame.
Thanks for making me cry Desiree! :) It's hard to understand people's actions when you feel like you have tried as hard as you can and still nothing works. My husband and kiddos are amazing and I wish those people could really see it...understand it and really accept it. Just because you don't talk about things doesn't mean they don't exist....obviously we have to talk about Cam's issues because we live with them every second of every day...just really don't understand it. But...like you said they only have themselves to blame because as you know it's not like my husband or I have not tried over and over and over again to show them, explain to them and have them be a real part of our lives. Tired of the tears and pain it has caused....moving forward.
ReplyDeleteSushi, Sake and discussions? Im in! when do we go?
ReplyDeleteI'm in!! Maybe next week???
ReplyDelete