Friends...

Today started out a little rough. Cam must have woken up on the completely wrong side of the bed. I mean he came in our room mad and yelling, it was just not a happy morning. I was able to get him to get dressed for school and eat his breakfast. This felt like a true accomplishment after the yelling and grumpy mood that he woke up in. We headed off to school and I just kept my fingers crossed that the drop off went well. Thankfully, for the most part it did. He was still in a really bad mood, but overall the drop off went well.

Pick up time and he came out with the same grumpy look on his face that he had when I dropped him off. He informed me he had a bad headache and he believes the air at school is causing this. Well, first it was the sun and then once we got into the car he yelled at me that he couldn’t go back tomorrow because he believes the air isn’t fresh at school so he shouldn’t have to breath it any more. Random from the kiddo once again, but pretty much nothing surprises me out of his mouth any more.

He did say something to me once we got home, that hit me hard. I was asking him about his day and going through the same questions I always ask. I always ask him who he ate lunch with and who he played with at recess. I do this to try and see if he’s actually interacting with anyone when he has down time to be able to. Usually he’ll say no one and he’ll give me this long reason on why he doesn’t play with them. Usually it has something to do with that they don’t play what he wants to play. But today it was a different answer. Today when I asked him who he played with at recess he said “I didn’t play with anyone mommy. I have decided I don’t need friends. They think I am weird and no one wants to ever play with me, so I have decided I don’t need friends.” Well you can imagine that crushed me inside. I tried to talk to him about it, but he wanted nothing to do with the conversation so I knew to not push it.

I always knew because of his issues he wouldn’t be the most popular kid in school and that doesn’t bother me at all. But, I always hoped that he would at least have one or two friends that understood him and accepted him. Yes, I realize that there is still plenty of time for this to happen. But, it breaks my heart that he’s decided he doesn’t need friends and he knows that they think he’s weird. It kills me that at the young age of 6 he feels this way. I know he’s amazing and can be so funny. Of course lately his made up jokes are so awful all you can do is laugh. But, he’s trying to be funny which I love.

It is hard to be a kid these days. Put being a special needs kid on top of that and well, it just doesn’t seem fair most days. I hope that one day soon he can make a friend that understands him and accepts him. Trust me, I am his mom and I know it is hard to be his friend. He likes things his way and he doesn’t understand why others don’t want to do it that exact way too. He has meltdowns that are out of this world. But, he also has so many great qualities that I hope a friend can see. I guess I want it more for him than he does at this point, but I also believe it’s because his self-esteem is so low that not only does he not want a friend, he doesn’t think he is good enough to have a friend.

Today was a day that started off on a really bad note, had a middle that made me want to cry tears of sadness and ended with my little man giving me a huge hug, which completely melted my heart. I want Cam to have a friend but more importantly I want him to see the amazing little boy I see and know that he is good enough for anyone to like.