I’m back and all of us survived! Actually, my husband did
more than survive; he rocked it as a single dad. He did it all by himself,
which is not easy with these two kiddos. My mom had offered to help if he
needed it, but he and the kiddos did it all by themselves. I survived, no
hyperventilating or white jackets for me. Though, I did have anxiety kick in
when I dropped Cam off at school on Thursday, anxiety and tears I should say.
But, the positive is, we all survived. I don’t think it is something I will be
doing again for awhile because though I had fun, I worried nonstop and the
guilt from being gone was overwhelming.
When I dropped Cam off on Thursday I was told that the
schools designated psychologist would be coming in to do his evaluation on
Friday. Well, if that didn’t just kick the anxiety in! This is something that
we have been working on for almost two school years now. Finally they are doing
the evaluation and of course it is the day that I am not going to be in town. Not
that I could do anything because it his evaluation, I just wish it wasn’t going
to be the day I wasn’t going to be in town. I have been trying to get him an
IEP for what feels like forever. I have hit so many obstacles that when they
actually told me that the evaluation was happening I almost kissed the woman.
Of course then it wouldn’t have been just Cam they would be evaluating.
Then today I had to fill out two packets on Cam. Asking all
of the questions on his Autism and behaviors. Is it weird that it hit me hard
to be filling out a packet that said Autism? I cried sitting here filling them out.
The signs that Cam has shown since he was little, thinking back to them all as
I filled it out. It all just hit me very hard. The guilt of not pushing hard to
get his diagnosis came slapping me in my face. The guilt of listening to others
who told me I was wrong and that he was just a child who needed more discipline
and not listening to my motherly instinct. Yes, he was only 4 years old when he
was diagnosed but I was seeing signs before he was 2 and I allowed others to
make me doubt myself, doubt what I knew.
Can I tell you how happy I am that this is all finally
happening though? I know it is a continious battle for the IEP, I am not
kidding myself. However, I am happy that the road for it is finally beginning.
It is also helping me decide what to do for him when it comes to school next
year. Yes, I wrote a few days ago that I felt like I had it all figured out but
then I started to question myself. But, now I really feel like we know what is
going to be best for him.
The life of a child on the spectrum is much like constantly
being on a rollercoaster. I know the life of a neurotypical child can feel like
that also, remember I am fortunate to have one of each. But, life with a child
on the spectrum changes by the second. The fighting for him never stops. The battles
with society to accept him, for who he is, not who society wants him to be.
It’s a constant battle every second of every day. Trying to get family to
understand him, the people that are suppose to be on our side and wanting to
really understand him. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Unfortunately, they seem to be
the hardest to get through to. Then comes society, constantly judging, pointing
fingers, whispering about our children and their differences. It is a constant
battle. The school issues are no different. We have to fight constantly for our
children to get the education they deserve. Which to me is mind boggling, it
should not be this hard.
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