So Many Hoops

Today is Friday, that feels like the only positive for today. Cam woke up in the worst mood, which is always a fun start to any day. Grumbled at me that he didn't have any desire to go to school and reminded me that the air there isn't safe to breath. Not sure where the kiddo got this idea at, but I quickly grumbled back that the air was safe and that he had no choice but to go to school. Headed off to school, grumbling and all. Life isn't fair according to my son....ya think kiddo? Drop off was fine, a few grumbles from him and off I went.

Pick up time came and that's where the day really went downhill. I haven't talked about it, but for the entire school year I have been in the process of getting Cam an IEP. I have been nice, done everything I was asked and as quickly as I could. Been very patient and as understanding as any parent can be. I haven't lost it, well to anyone there about how long the process has been taking because I don't want to ruffle the wrong feathers and have it take even longer. But, today my positive attitude was pushed because just as I thought we were one step to being much closer to having our meeting to set up the goals, I was told that there is yet another test to be done. Another waiting for this test to be set up, you get the picture...another hoop to jump through before Cam gets the help he needs. I got Cam from class got in my car and just cried. I am at a loss on this one because I am angry and frustrated. So, I call a friend and vent to her and she gives me ideas of things to do. I am so thankful she answered her phone and let me vent because it truly helped me so much. But, of course it's Friday afternoon and no one at the office that I called answers the phone so I have to wait until Monday. Which honestly as much as I want to get answers is probably a good thing because I am so upset that I need time to calm down and get my mind straight. I need time to breath before screaming at the wrong person and just making matters worse....though I am not sure at this point that is even possible.

As I mentioned Cam was in a bad mood at drop off and at pick up wasn't any better. So, why I decided to take him to get his haircut is beyond me. Pushing it wasn't a good idea, but the kid had a bush growing from his head and needed a haircut. Did I mention he HATES haircuts, hates anyone touching his head, hates anything near his face. But, I still thought getting a haircut was a good idea. And yes I am questioning my sanity on why I thought it was a good idea too. The haircut was a COMPLETE fail! He hated it from the second we got there. Bryan took him in at first and he told me that he was yelling at the lady cutting his hair, yelling at Bryan, yelling at pretty much whoever came near him. So, instead of Peyton and I sitting in the car and waiting we head in to try and help. I can see the frustration, overstimulation and annoyance in his face. I hold his hands and try to calm him down and talk him through all of it. Everything itches, everything is loud, pretty much everything was miserable according to him. Thankfully the lady cutting his hair was very patient and did the best that she could do. Bryan and I have decided that I will probably need to learn how to cut his hair because going out to get it cut is always a huge FAIL. 

Get in the car and he's just annoyed at everything possible. This day just keeps getting better doesn't it? I had promised him we were going to his favorite restaurant for dinner, so grumpy and all we headed there. At first it was another complete fail for the day but midway through it was like he completely changed and was happy once again. So, it wasn't a complete fail and dinner was eaten without any meltdowns. We will count that as a huge success for the day that has been nothing but fails. 

Tonight is movie night and we're watching Lion King. I am trying to remember to Hakuna Matata, but today is very hard for that motto. I am tired of jumping through hoops and getting nowhere. I am tired of being surrounded by people who don't understand or care to understand my son. I am pretty much just tired and annoyed tonight of a lot. So, I should probably just stay to myself because who knows what will come out of my mouth right now. 

I am Cam's biggest advocate and try to help him in any way I can. I am his mom, I am suppose to be able to fix everything for him. He's 6, he's Autistic, he's got everything stacked against him and he needs me to be able to fix everything. Yet, tonight I feel like I am failing him, I feel like the system is failing him, I pretty much feel like everyone is failing him and there's nothing I can do. Yes, I realize that I am Debbie Downer tonight, but today is one of those days where I just feel like I can't win.