Total Bust

Today was a total bust all around. Cam woke up in an ultra sensitive mood. I mean the kiddo had a meltdown after only being awake less than five minutes. Then another one before he even ate his breakfast. Right then I should have known to just quit for the day. But, nope I pushed forward in hopes that it can only get better, right? Off to school we head and drop started off ok, a little crazy because today is a bake sale which means choices. Cam and choices do not go together well at all. He doesn’t like it and he especially doesn’t like them when every other child is around him. But we made it through and off to class we went. I gave him his hug and head off to the car. Well all of a sudden I see him darting at me through oncoming cars and his teacher behind him trying to grab him with her eyes huge in panic. My heart sinks because he’s coming at me with cars coming at him and he has a look of panic in his eyes. The look of panic however was not over the traffic. What was it you ask? He had left his book from home there yesterday and he insisted he had to run it out to me to take back home. His teacher had tried to stop him but he had it in his head that the book didn’t belong at school, it belonged at home and he had to make sure I took it there. So, after his teacher and I get done with our panic attacks they head back to class and I leave.

It’s time for pick up and out comes Mr. Sensitive. He’s in a bad mood and he informs that he had an accident today. So, now not only do I have a grumpy Cam but I also have more laundry…fun times! I had to run some errands and even with his grumpy mood they had to be done. He and Peyton fought some in the car and then he busts out in a complete meltdown because she told him he was being a bully. So here I am driving, trying to get him to calm down all while it’s pouring down rain. If we don’t know how to have a fun afternoon I don’t know who does. Errands are done, we get home and at some point he had another accident while in the car. Really kiddo? Then it was as if the energizer bunny and grumpasaurus rex took over Cam’s body. He was all over the place and growling at all of us when we asked him to calm down or not snap at us.

We had plans to head out to an air show tonight with friends and Cam was excited about going. But when he gets excited he doesn’t always know how to handle that excitement….well he never knows how to handle it to be completely honest. So he was just more all over the place and when we got there he was louder than usual and I could see in his eyes that he was spiraling out of control. Fortunately and unfortunately they cancelled the show and rides because of the crummy weather. So we all headed back to our house. Cam right away is all over the place and not playing with his friend. Then Peyton is trying to fit in and be a big kid is following in Cam’s footsteps. It was just a complete bust! I had to go in and talk to Cam constantly which lead to a couple of meltdowns and running away from me. I of course wanted to just cry and couldn’t help myself but kept saying how sorry I was for how he was acting.

After our friends left and we put the kiddos to bed Bryan and I started talking. It is harder for us some days than others to watch Cam interact or not interact with others. You look at him and you see a 6.5 year old little boy and when you talk to him sometimes he seems much older than that. But when it comes to social settings I am reminded that socially he is more of a 3 year old. He doesn’t know how to handle the situations and he gets overwhelmed very easily. But I told Bryan tonight that we have to stop apologizing for how he acts. It is him and if we continue to apologize then it makes it seem like we are ashamed of him or don’t accept him for him. How can we ask others to accept him if we seem like we don’t?

I can’t say that it will be easy to stop apologizing. Bryan and I both feel like we have to do it for everything in life. But we are going to try. We are not ashamed of him in any way so we need to stop apologizing like we are. But we are also learning every day on this journey with him. We are learning how to help him and how to understand him too. Some days are harder than others and today was definitely one of those days. But tomorrow will be a new day with no apologies! (Ok…well less)