Leaving on a jet plane

Last night a friend reached out to me and gave me so much advice on how to help Cam with his school issues that I sat here and cried tears of joy. For the first time in a long time I felt like I have answers, a path that I am going to go down with him and one that I think is going to be the best one for him. I cried because I was overcome with such appreciation for this friend. She gave advice that is going to help him so much and I can’t ever begin to thank her enough. Cam will one day be thanking her because I will be able to share with him all the help she gave that he never realized or knew. This isn’t the first time she has helped and I know it won’t be the last because she is a woman who truly cares about children.

Today we headed to Sea World and it was the first day in I can’t tell you how long that I felt a sense of relief. I was truly able to enjoy the entire day without worrying about everything back home. We have a path for Cam and though it will be a bumpy one, we have one. Cam, Peyton and I enjoyed beautiful weather, beautiful animals and laughs that one person said was like music to their ears today. We had a dolphin meet us face to face and the kids thought that was about the coolest thing they’ve ever seen. We saw every animal there, ate lunch with the sharks and ended it with each of them having a Shamu ice cream. It really was a day that all of us needed. At lunch the three of us talked about my trip tomorrow. Cam said he wasn’t happy that I was leaving but was happy that he remembered he can call me whenever he wants too. We talked about that we’re all going to miss each other a lot but it’s ok for me to go away because I always come back. Cam still isn’t sold on the fact that I’m leaving but it was nice to actually be able to talk about it and have no meltdowns.

So, tomorrow I head out on a jet plane for Nashville. I am feeling guilt, worry and sadness for leaving them. But, I am also feeling excitement to see my best friend and happiness to be fortunate enough to have a husband who loves me and our children so much that he is kicking me out of the house so I can get some “me” time. Today, I needed to spend some time with the kiddos to laugh and relax and tomorrow I am heading for time to relax with my best friend. I have had a couple of friends text, call and message me telling me to have a great time and reminding me that even though I am a mom, a special needs mom, that I am still a person who needs time away and that’s ok. To those friends and you know who you are, I love you and feel so fortunate to have each of you in my life. I have been on a pity roll lately and have allowed the obstacles in life and certain people to really get me down when that is normally not the person I am. As I sat here last night crying tears of joy and thankfulness for finally having light on Cam’s path for school, I also cried because I am tired of letting it all of this get the best of me. I am going to go back to being the happy mom I always want to be. A pity party really gets me nowhere and it is ridiculous. I have two amazing children, an incredible husband, friends who are more like family than just friends and I have some family members who are truly amazing. So what if life isn’t always easy, it’s not going to ever be with Cam, but that doesn’t mean it has to be sad. He said to me today “mommy, I like when you smile because it helps me know you’re happy.” A nice reminder that I need to smile more and remind him and everyone else how truly happy and blessed I am.