A Day of Acceptance

Cam has had a pretty rough week and Friday at school was no different. He had asked me to come again for lunch and after the bad day he had the day before I could not say no. I went to lunch to watch again, what I see all the time...him struggling to fit in. We sat there at the lunch table with all of his classmates and you can see he wants to be a part of the "in" crowd, which to him is the entire class. But, he sits on the outside looking in. I learned that he eats his lunch quickly and then packs up everything and sits and watches the door. The door that each class walks in when coming to lunch. This door means a freedom to him when he sees one last teacher walk in. It means it is recess and it means he gets to run and play outside, even if alone, he likes to be outside. So, he stairs at it and he waits for that teacher to bring her class in and then he knows it is time for recess. The rest of the kids are talking and joking around, Cam is staring at the door. The teacher and her class came in and Cam was the first person up but before he walked to the door he asked if I would stay and watch him play. I don't like to stay and watch him play because that means staring at his reality of loneliness, but I stayed. I watched him play, by himself. He runs out like all of the other kids but each of them has at least one or two friends that stay with them as they run. He does not, he has himself. This time I had a chance to talk to his teachers a little while watching him and they told me they watch him try sometimes to play with the others, but it just doesn't seem to work. So, for the most part they told me he plays by himself. I guess it could be worse, he could be the big trouble maker in class and have a bad set of friends. But instead he travels the journey at school alone. After recess I walked with him to his class and he begged me to take him home early. He kept telling me he was having a rough day and he just wanted to go home. As much as I wanted to make everything better and bring him home, I can't let him run away every time he has a bad day. So, he stayed at school and after some tears he was off to class. I always leave worrying about the rest of his day whether it is drop off in the morning or after having lunch with him. But, this time hit me deep inside because he was begging me to take him away and I couldn't. I couldn't let him know that every time he asks me to take him away I will because that's now how life works. But, his life is different, his struggles are much harder. So, maybe sometimes it is ok to run away...just for a day. 

He ended the day on a positive note and was very happy to see me at pick up time. We had our usual family movie night and he picked it out. We watched The Lorax and I got to hear him laugh. He and Peyton played and laughed, I got to sit back and hear it and enjoy it all. I told him the next day we were going to head to Animal Kingdom. If you live in the area you may have heard the screams of excitement. He loves animals and fortunately so does Peyton, just not to the same degree as him. But, anything to do with Disney and she is happy. So, it was going to be a win, win situation for both. 

Saturday morning came and Cam was the first one up. He was ready to go. He has been struggling so much that I wanted it to be a carefree, fun day for him. We got the car packed up, my mom came and off the four of us went. He brought his animal book in the car and was watching Wild Kratts on their little dvd player. He was ready for a day of animal fun. The day was wonderful. We were able to see all of the animals and a lot of them very up close. We all laughed, he laughed all day long. He even got his face painted like a cheetah. My mom and I both got tears in our eyes because this is a big step for him. There was a time when he wouldn't let anyone near his face and now he was getting his entire face painted. You could see his discomfort when it was happening and we both asked him the entire time if he was ok with it. He kept saying yes and when he saw it, well Cam had left and we had a cheetah on our trip now. There were a couple of mini angry meltdowns, but nothing out of control and nothing to ruin the day. He was carefree...for an entire day, he was accepted by those around him, he was able to tell all of us about every animal and he has able to be himself. It was like being around the animals was his therapy and just what he needed. He becomes much happier around them and when talking about them. It is his passion and something that amazes me by all he knows and continues to want to learn. I don't know what today will hold, but I know that the fun, the laughs and the smiles from yesterday is a day I will never forget.