Please Do Not Judge

Since today was a holiday, Cam was happy to have the day off from school. He was in a pretty good mood, so I braved heading to the store with both him and Peyton. When he's having an off day, I do not brave this...why put myself in a position for him to have a complete meltdown when I know I can avoid it. We headed to the store, both of them were good, so I almost felt like I was living in the twilight zone. But, we got to the check out and the cashier was trying to be polite and make conversation with the Cam. So she asked him if he liked school and of course his response was no I hate it. Now, trust me I know most children do not like school, but Cam right now has a much different reason. He actually loves to learn, but right now he is struggling with not fitting in and not having any friends. So, the lady was shocked by his answer and her response was to me and not him. She said "you shouldn't allow him to have these feelings about school so young. You should really work with him more and encourage him more." Well, I didn't have to respond because Cam did, which she is lucky that I didn't because she would not have liked my response. Of course with him we never know what's about to come out of his mouth...good or bad, it is always a surprise. Cam blurted out "my mommy says I am not weird, but a lot of the kids at school say I am. This is my sister and best friend Peyton and I have Asperger's. My mommy and daddy say it makes me special but it really makes it hard for me to understand people like you." He said that all without taking a breath and then he was done with the conversation and walked to the front of the shopping cart. Well there ya have it lady, this is why my son hates school. He feels alone. He is struggling with knowing he has Asperger's...but doesn't understand it or the emotions, the questions, the feelings going on inside. He's struggling with people calling him weird. Then she just looked at me in complete shock, almost horror and was quiet the rest of the time while handling our transaction. 

But, this whole situation really bothered me and got me to thinking. Where did this lady get off assuming that I am not doing enough to help my son with school and not helping him learn to like it? Why when Cam told her he had Asperger's did she become silent and never apologize for her accusations on my parenting? Why did she not reassure my son that he was ok no matter what? Instead she acted as if he just told her he had some type of contagious disease and she couldn't get us out of there fast enough. The sad thing is, this is not the first time this has happened. Well, part of that is not true, this is the first time Cam has just blurted out to a complete stranger that he has Asperger's. But, this is not the first time I have received the judging look or rude comments. I have been told I need to keep him at home until he is able to act like a "normal" child when he was having a meltdown in public or that I needed to use more discipline with him and just give him a good spanking. We live in a society where people judge before knowing any of the facts. So, my son at the age of 6, walks around being looked at, whispered about or laughed at before people actually get to know him. Like this lady today, people just assume the worst without knowing anything. Assuming the worst out of me is fine, I am a grown woman and I can handle it. Assuming the worst out of my six year old son who is going through enough in his life, I am not ok with. I wear an Autism pin, bracelet and I even have little  cards to hand out explaining what Autism is and that he is Autistic. I do this all to raise awareness and to hopefully detour the rude comments and looks. I wear these so that maybe people will see these symbols and they won't give the looks or say the comments. I wear these in hopes that they will help Cam not have to feel any more different than he already does because of these people assuming the worst when he says or does something. When he was younger he didn't hear or understand these comments, but now he does and it is not fair to him. It is not right that I have to try and nicely explain to him why people say the rude things they do or give the dirty looks. 

I wish our society was not so judging. We judge people over their weight, clothes, homes, cars...you name it we judge. As adults we know how to handle these judging looks and comments. But as a child, as an Autistic child he doesn't know how to handle them nor should he have to. He should be able to live his life and not hear the rude comments or see the stares. His life has too many obstacles as it is, worrying about mean comments and looks should not be one of them. Instead of assuming that he is just this horrible child I wish people would stop and think "is there something wrong to where he can't handle it?" I want our society to stop judging, to stop assuming the worst and to be much more accepting of all children with differences. As Cam grows up I want him to not tell people he's called weird or annoying, I want him to tell people that he's called smart and funny. I want him to stop being judged for things that are out of his control.