Thursday morning was great. Cameron woke up very excited because his Pop Pop (aka my father in law) was going to do a presentation in his class. He could not wait, so he was in a very happy lets get to school mood. Since he's had such a rough time with well...everything lately, to see the smile on his face and the excitement in his voice was priceless. Then I added to it by telling him that Pop Pop and Grandma would be having lunch with him and you would have thought he had won the lottery. It broke my heart though because when I told him he said "yay, then maybe somebody will want to be my friend so they can eat outside with us". Yep, the words cut through me like a knife. He doesn't feel as though he has any friends. What breaks my heart even more is he really doesn't. He doesn't know how to really play with other kids, he wants to play with them but on his terms. It is sad to watch your son be lonely, it's hard to watch him not fit in. So, for him to think that maybe, just maybe someone would want to be his friend so they could go outside to eat broke my heart into pieces. From what Cameron told me, the presentation and lunch were awesome. Yay, for having a great morning!
Then came pick up time...the happy face I had dropped off that morning to school came out sad and with tears in his eyes. His teacher told me he had just finished a melt down because he had lost one of the gifts his Pop Pop had given the class. When I went to ask him where he thinks he left it to try and help him the meltdown started all over again. The tears, the screams, the running away. I had to chase after him, thankfully not far because he almost ran into a car. She said his day was good up until the end and then it was like another child was in Cameron's body and the meltdown was bad, very bad. Thankfully once again his other teacher saved the day and had an extra gift and gave it to him and told him it was his and that she had found it. Once we got to the car he started crying and screaming again, he was still upset about losing the gift, then was worried that his Pop Pop would be upset with him for losing it (he would never have been upset, but Cameron builds things up big in his head) and then he was just screaming with huge tears coming down his face and I knew I had lost him again. The meltdowns really are like someone takes over his body, it is sad and scary. This one was short though, I got him calmed down, reminded him no one was mad at him and everything was going to be ok.
Today was a good day though. I picked him up from school and he came out with smiles and a star award for having such a good day. Since he hasn't had any in awhile the teacher made sure to make him feel good for having one. She told me there were no meltdowns, he listened and he only had one accident. This a type of day we celebrate! So we headed to the store to get special drinks aka slurpees and he was in heaven. I had my happy boy and it was really nice. Peyton was happy to have her happy brother and they were laughing and playing.
Then came the meltdown, again, another one after such a great day. I asked him to do something, he didn't understand why and just right there sat on the floor and started a complete meltdown. The kicking of chairs began, the hitting of the floor and almost knocking his head on the corner of the wall. I wanted to rewind and go back to the fun and laughing we were just having minutes ago. I, so want to make it easier for him to communicate with me. I know the meltdowns are happening bigger right now because he has a lot of confusion, anxiety, etc in him right now and he can't figure out how to express it, he doesn't understand it.
Since he's had a cough for a few days I took him to the doctor. There he was the funny little boy that I love to be around. He was joking with the nurse and doctor. The nurse asked me what was wrong with him and he said "you don't have to ask my mommy what's wrong with me I can tell you". She said ok, what's wrong Cameron and he gave her his symptoms. He was so proud of himself and then joking with the doctor. We found out he has walking pneumonia. Yippee! More medicine for him to take, three more to be exact. He was once again happy, though he didn't feel good and was coughing like crazy, he was happy.
But, what once was a happy boy went to another meltdown to end the night. Why you ask? We haven't really figured that out, but it was one that lasted a good 30 mins. This time though not only is he screaming, crying and kicking things, we have Peyton crying. I now have a little girl who doesn't understand any of this that is going on, so she has started crying and screaming when she is upset. Not because I believe she has autism also and these are signs starting to show. But because she sees her older brother who she loves and adores having these constant meltdowns and she thinks it's what you're suppose to do when you're upset. So, we ended the night with two crying children, with two parents who wanted to join them. I was able to get Peyton to stop crying and she said "but Cameron's crying", so she's just copying what she thinks she is suppose to be doing. Cameron went to bed still upset, but hopefully will wake up in a much better mood.
So, in the past two days we have been on a constant roller coaster of emotions. Who am I kidding, this is our life. When the highs are there, they are amazing and make the lows disappear! But, when the lows are there they are lower than anyone can imagine. Right now with Cameron we are having some serious lows. I wish this roller coaster would stop or at least be a fun ride, not just for us but for him. He deserves a few days of just pure happiness with no meltdowns, no worries, just being a little boy. Peyton deserves a few days of not seeing any of this. I worry about Cameron because of his autism, but I also worry about Peyton just as much. She is so little and can't understand any of this that she is seeing and is still too young for me to try and explain to her why her brother has these issues. This roller coaster of life is one that all four of us are on. One that we would like for at least a couple days for it to be a fun, can't catch your breath because you're laughing so hard while on the ride, kind of days.
No comments:
Post a Comment