This has been a weekend filled with board games, movie watching and some meltdowns in between. Today started off pretty good, then went downhill quickly because of Cameron's mood. So, it went from playing to meltdown to playing to a meltdown once again. This lasted for most of the morning, the longest meltdown this morning was about an hour. My mom was suppose to come over today to hang out and she sent a text asking if it was still ok to come over. I said of course just know that Cameron is in a mood today, so the meltdowns are happening and they aren't pretty. Her response was "I don't care, it's a part of him and won't stop me from coming over." That hit home to me, a lot of other people would not have responded the same way. They would have said, ok well maybe we can come tomorrow or I'll talk to you later. My mom has been a big asset to us since Cameron's diagnosis. I mean don't get me wrong she and I have had our disagreements and there were times where we didn't speak because of those disagreements. We are not a perfect family and if you have a perfect family, that is great. Our imperfections have helped me learn about me and about life, so I appreciate them. But, anyway back to what I was saying. She has been a constant support for us, even in the times where she and I were arguing I always knew I could call on her to help if needed. She watched Peyton the day that we took Cameron for his testing with the doctor and to discuss Cameron's issues. So besides Bryan and me she was the first to know of Cameron's diagnosis. From that day on she has read everything she can about Asperger's, she has asked people questions to try and help us and most importantly she has always asked us questions on how to help us, how to understand Cameron and how to help him. So today's text was no different than what she has done in the past, but it really got me to start thinking. Since Cameron's diagnosis 2.5 years ago, Bryan and I have heard a lot of things that we either laughed at or cried about (as you can imagine, it is me doing the crying) when it comes to Cameron's Asperger's. So today I decided I am going to make a list of things that in my opinion you should NOT say or do to a parent with a child on the Autism Spectrum.
1. He'll out grow it. (No, he won't out grow it, it is who he is and who he will ALWAYS be)
2. He just needs a good spanking (if that were the case, he would have been "cured" a long time ago)
3. What started the meltdown? (Does it really matter..we're dealing with it now and what started it doesn't really matter at this point)
4. He doesn't look Autistic (If I had a dollar for every time I heard this, I would be a multi-millionaire!) PLEASE tell me what Autism looks like?!
5. You're staring during his meltdown is not helping, it in fact is making it harder for us to help him because we are feeling so uncomfortable with all the other eyes on us.
6. When you hear he has Autism, please don't tell us how sorry you are. We are not sorry he has Autism, we are sorry however that we live in a society who doesn't accept him the way he is.
7. Please do not tell us that you thank God every day that YOUR child is NOT Autistic. We thank God that our child is, because he is teaching us acceptance, strength and unconditional love. Telling us that you thank God your child isn't, is like slapping us in the face.
8. My child has "quirks" too but they're not Autistic, maybe Cameron isn't either. (One, it was not just one doctor who has diagnosed my child, so please don't say that to me and if all Cameron had was a couple of "quirks" we would not face the daily struggles that we face.)
9. Instead of just telling us tomorrow will be better, please tell us that if tomorrow is rough too that you'll be there to help in any way you can. Offer help, we may not ask for it because we don't want to burden you with our problems. But it doesn't mean we wouldn't accept the offer because we need all the help we can get.
10. Don't judge us if we look like we haven't slept (because we probably haven't, our mind is going non-stop on all the things we have to do for our child, so sleep is really a thing of the past for us) or judge us because our house isn't perfect (if we had the time to clean and make it perfect...trust me we would)
11. My child is pain-in-the asstic, that's similar, right? (YES, someone said this me and NO I did not appreciate it. It is NOT even close to being the same nor is it funny)
12. Can't you just tell him to calm down? (If I told a burning fire to just calm down would it listen? That is basically what is going on inside my child when he is having a meltdown, so no it won't work)
These are just some of the things I personally as a mom of a child on the spectrum believe should not be done or said. If you're a fellow parent of a child on the spectrum, do you agree? Being a parent to a child on the spectrum isn't easy and we often feel like we are on an island all by ourselves. Our life isn't perfect. But does anyone really have a perfect life? Yes, our struggles with Cameron are hard and there are days that I wish were much easier, not for us but for him. But I wouldn't change it.....I wouldn't change him. He has taught me and continues to teach me so much about life and for that I am forever grateful to my son.
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